a letter to the one i never will forget (closed; april)

[writtenby_caden]

The ball is swiftly approaching and the more Caden watches Joel and Spencer interact, so obviously in love, the more secure he is in his decision. It’s strange to think that soon he’ll be engaged, and married shortly thereafter. He spoke to the women his mother had invited to Joel’s birthday with an open mind, and there was one that actually did catch his eye. Not in a romantic way per se, though she is beautiful, but because she seems to view the entire thing much like Caden himself. Her parents want to marry her off to someone above her station, and she’s doing it to make them happy and try to make a better life for herself in the process. She’s witty and smart, and Caden could see them becoming good friends. If he has to take a wife, he could do worse than her.

It’s not that he’s dreading being married. It just isn’t something that he ever saw in his future. Not after April, at least.

And that’s the problem. Caden’s life is about to change in a very drastic way, and April is not going to be a part of it. She hasn’t been a part of his life for a very long time, not really, but he thinks about her every day. His heart still aches for her, and he can’t marry someone and possibly lead a nation with this weight on his shoulders. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone, least of all himself.

It’s time to do his best to move on. He needs to say goodbye. So he sits down in the library, and he writes a letter. It’s a very arduous process, but there is something almost cathartic about it. Still, it’s with a very heavy heart that he gives the letter to one of his most trusted footmen with instructions to deliver it to April. He’s jealous of him, almost, for getting to lay eyes upon her, but he pushes the feeling aside.

He dreams of April that night, but it’s not of her coming back to him, as it so often is.

In this dream, he’s the one walking away.

My dearest April,

It’s been quite some time since I’ve had to try and find the right words to say to you, so forgive me if they come out jumbled.

I sincerely hope that you are doing well, and that you are happy. I don’t know what you’ve been up to, or if you even still think of me. I do not have so much pride that I cannot tell you that I haven’t thought of you. I have, each and every day. You’re still a part of my life, no matter how long ago you left it.

I loved you from the moment I saw you, I’m sure. I know you think such things as love at first sight are silly, but I do believe that’s what happened. And each and every day, my love grew. Our time together is my most cherished memory, and it is one I look back on often. Perhaps too often, but I couldn’t help myself.

I love you, April, but I do understand why that was not enough. My life is not a simple one, but I grew up with it being all I knew. The pressures of such a life or not easy to bear, and I do not blame you for not wanting to take on such difficulties just to be with me. I do wish things could have gone better, but I blame you for nothing. Your happiness has always been my primary concern, even if that happiness was not found at my side.

Given the chance, I would have let my heart ache for you for the rest of my life, but things are changing. I cannot go on as I have been. I’ve watched something incredible happen. My brother has fallen in love and I’ve never been so happy for him. It’s a spectacular thing they have together and I am going to do my best to help keep that love alive. I want them to succeed where we failed, and it is for that reason that I am going to take a bride so that he doesn’t have to. My responsibility to my family has already cost me a great deal, and I am going to keep paying that price with a smile on my face so that my brother can live the life he deserves.

I will never love another the way I loved you, April. That much is certain. You will always hold a large piece of my heart, but it’s time that I finally let the jagged edges of it heal into something usable again. I must move on with my life if I expect to make something of it, and that is the point of this letter.

I wish you all the love and happiness in the world, April Ross, but I have to let you go. It’s time to say goodbye.


Always,
Caden

Comments

[seas_open]

At first she thinks she'll burn the letter.

Then she reads it again, folds it up and puts it away in the drawer. None of what Caden has written to her makes any sense. There's no reason he should have any interest in her after how she's treated him, the way she walked away without so much as a glance back in his direction and while she's never once regretted her decision, there have been moments scattered here and there when she's wondered if maybe she wasn't a bit hasty. She had hated the scrutiny, she'd hated the expectations and she had known almost from the beginning that there was no place for her in Caden's life. He was a prince and she was a siren with a vicious streak a mile wide and she'd known right from the start that it wasn't going to be a good match.

That hadn't stopped her from pursuing it anyway. At first she'd done it for the fun of it, just to see if she could, if there was any way a prince would actually get involved with her. Then, for a brief period of time, she'd felt something about the entire situation, something she does her best not to focus on. She's never fallen for anyone before, especially not someone she was trying to make life difficult for, but a little while she thought she might be falling for him, which was when she'd decided to walk away. It hadn't been an easy decision, though she would never admit that to anyone, and walking away without looking back had been incredibly difficult, but it had been right. Because there was no way she would ever be cut out to stand up under the scrutiny of Caden's parents or his brother.

Sending Spencer toward Joel hadn't been about revenge. She doesn't care enough for revenge. It had been about fun and the chance to mess with Caden's family again had proven to be just too enticing, but now there's this letter and there's the ever sacrificing Prince Caden willing to step up to the plate and take all the pressure off his brother so that he can be with his merman and April finds she's furious. She doesn't know if she's more angry with herself or with Caden or maybe she's angry with Ersa for not being able to find a way around this. Maybe she's angry with Spencer for being so goddamn sincere and transparent. Whatever the case, she's absolutely furious and when she yanks the letter back out of the drawer and reads it over, she realizes there's really only one thing she can do.

She's going to this ball. And she's making sure this doesn't end the way they think it will.